


Pushed Away

by Cant_We_Just_Dance



Series: Laflams Alex is ignored [1]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alex gets ignored in most laflams fics, Angst, Bad poly, Breakup, M/M, Multi, Swearing, blame, so this happened
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-04
Updated: 2017-10-16
Packaged: 2018-12-10 23:55:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11702490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cant_We_Just_Dance/pseuds/Cant_We_Just_Dance
Summary: Lafayette had never noticed how much love he gave to John instead of Alex until it was too late.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, this is @jamisahivemind from tumblr! Make sure to comment, kudos, and hang out with me on the hellsite!

“You what?” Lafayette asked, dumbstruck.

“I’m breaking up with you and John. My bags are packed and I was going to leave as soon as I told you. So I think I’ll be doing that now.” Alexander answered coldly, unable to look the taller man in the eyes.

“W-why? Why leave? Why leave and expect me to tell John when he gets home from work instead of telling us both?” Lafayette inquired, not making any effort to hold back the tears forming in his eyes, letting the droplets flow down his cheeks.

“Because you’re going to tell him. You love him.” 

“I love you, too, Alex-”

“No!” Alexander interrupted, lifting his gaze to stare Lafayette in the eyes, ignoring the tears falling from them. “You’re going to listen to what I have to say because I don’t really want to speak to you. You hold him while you fall asleep, and push me away every time I move closer to you in bed. You kiss him and spin him around when he gets home, but I’m lucky if you so much as nod in my direction when I come home from work. When was the last time you kissed me, Lafayette?” 

“Alexander, you know that I-”

“ _When was the last time that you kissed me?_ ” Alexander repeated, cutting Lafayette off with the question.

“This morning, when I left for work.”

“That was John.”

“When we woke up this morning- I woke you up with kisses.”

“I actually slept on the couch last night, thanks for noticing.”

“I- what about last night? You made all three of us that lovely romantic dinner and I kissed you before we went to bed.”

“You’re right,” Alexander confirmed, crossing his arms. “I made  _all three of us_  a romantic dinner last night. You didn’t even say anything to me the entire time.”

“Our date on Tuesday! We went to the park together and we kissed on top of the bridge over the pond!”

“Are you actually incapable of telling John and me apart?” Alexander asked rhetorically, uncrossing his arms and picking up his bags, turning around and heading for the door.

“Alex!” Lafayette exclaimed, grabbing Alexander’s arm and stopping him from pulling open the door and walking out his and John’s lives. “Please don’t leave, Alex, we can change. We love you.”

“No, you don’t,” Alexander stated, pulling his arm way from Lafayette and opening the door. “You love  _him._  He loves  _you_. But neither of you love  _me_.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I didn't mean to write a second chapter, I swear- it just sort of happened.

“Alex is gone,” Lafayette whispered as John walked into their shared apartment, tears shining in the taller man’s eyes.

“Oh, he’s out getting groceries? I’ll have to thank him when he gets home, I’ve been meaning to get more milk, since we’re out,” John replied casually, shutting the door behind him and setting his messenger bag down on the counter, reaching back and letting his hair down from his loose ponytail.

“Alex isn’t  _out_ , John,” Lafayette told him, wrapping his arms around his chest in attempt to curl in on himself. “Alexander is  _gone_. He left. He left you, he left me, he left us.”

John froze still at Lafayette’s words, before rushing over to the couch and sitting down next to Lafayette and gripping his hand tightly. “Oh my god, what happened, is he in the hospital? Was he in a car crash on the way home? I saw some cop car drive down the street on my way home- is Alex hurt? Is he- is he dead?”

“No…” Lafayette mumbled, squeezing John’s hand tightly as John sighed in relief at hearing that their workaholic boyfriend wasn’t injured or killed. “He… He didn’t want to do it w-while you were here…. He… Alex left us… He broke up with me… Wanted me to t-tell you…”

John stared at Lafayette in a strange combination of shock and horror at his words. For a moment, there was stillness, silence. The kind of silence where nothing moves, and no one breathes, like a break during a blizzard. Where the snow stops falling, and fresh white sheets of glittering snow cover the ground, and the winds stop howling for just a moment.

 And then the storm returned.

“You’re lying,” John accused, standing up from the couch and staring at Lafayette with tears glimmering in his eyes and his fists clenched tightly. “You’re lying to me and this is all some sort of cruel trick and you’re being a real dick right now, Gilbert.”

Lafayette flinched slightly at the usage of his first name, which was typically reserved for when John was angry or upset… or being informed that their boyfriend had broken up with them while he was at work. “I’m not lying, John. If you go to our bedroom, his things will be gone. He took them with him, and he left us.”

“No, he didn’t! He wouldn’t do that to us!” John shouted, less trying to prove a point to Lafayette and more desperately pleading to what powers may be that his boyfriend hadn’t truly done such a thing. Not without saying goodbye. “He wouldn’t do that to us, and you’re a liar!”

Standing up, Lafayette reached out to reassuringly hold John’s hands, but John pulled back from him in disgust. Stepping forward, frowning, Lafayette felt his breath hitch as he saw tears begin to stream freely down John’s cheeks, leaving diamond-glimmer trails behind them on his constellation sky of amber speckles. 

“John, please, believe me, I’m not lying,” Lafayette pleaded, desperation lacing his voice in fragments of snowflakes in a melted snowstorm of red-hot fury burning in John’s mind. “He-He thought we didn’t love him, that we’d been ignoring him, that we didn’t need him, didn’t want him-”

“This is all your fault!” John screamed, leaning forward and narrowing his eyes in the sheer amount of pain and undiluted anger coursing through his veins. “He wouldn’t have left us if  _you_  hadn’t been such a shitty boyfriend!”

“Don’t you dare pin this on me!” Lafayette shouted, unable to keep calm anymore- not after Alex, not after John’s ridiculous reaction to the news. “Our relationship was supposed to built on trust and communication, and it’s not just  _my_  fault that we-”

“ _You!_ ” John countered, tears still falling from his eyes as grief slumped his shoulders, but adrenaline kept him from ceasing his accusations. “It’s  _your_  fault that you didn’t hold us together!”

“That’s not my fucking job, John!” Lafayette screamed, stray curls falling from his ponytail as he practically shook with the inability to contain all the emotions that had been running through his heart since Alexander’s departure. “We were all supposed to love each other equally, and we didn’t do a good enough job of that with Alexander! And if that’s anyone’s fault, it’s _yours_!”

John remained silent as Lafayette’s words echoed through the small apartment, bouncing off the pale blue walls that had been painted such a color because it was Lafayette’s favorite. He took a step backwards, moving over to his bag and putting it back on his shoulder. Walking back over to the still unlocked front door, he pulled it open and stepped through, before turning to glare at Lafayette out of the corner of his eyes.

“If it’s all my fault, then I guess you won’t care if I leave. One less problem for you to deal with…” He spat, slamming the door behind him as he left their home before Lafayette could so much as speak one more word.

But he didn’t need to speak if he was simply going to collapse onto the floor in a mess of broken sobs caused by a broken heart.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Final Chapter! Enjoy!

Alexander hadn't meant to go to the club. Just like how he hadn't meant to catch the gaze of a tall, dark man whose hair curled and twisted out like a glow from the stars in his eyes. He hadn't meant to take the man's hand- Thomas, the man had introduced himself as- and twirl and spin like there was no tomorrow. Twirling and spinning hadn't meant to turn to grinding up against Thomas's hips, and yet, it had. It wasn't supposed to lead to Thomas buying Alexander a drink, despite the smaller man having had enough already.

And Alexander most certainly had not intended to wake up at dawn in a stranger's bed, fully nude and with the man from last night curled around his body like he was a blanket. Yet here he was, with his legs tangled between the silk sheets that were a hideous shade of magenta, and his hair a mess, the hair tie having fallen out as he slept. He immediately tried sitting up, but failed in his attempt, as the grip of the other man was far too strong, and his slumber far too deep. _I have to get home to Lafayette and John_ , he thought, fighting against the hold of Thomas's strong, all too cuddly arms. ___Oh fuck, i cheated on them, and they're gonna hate me forever and try to break up with me I can't handle losing them officially, too._ _How will I explain to them that I spent the night in his bed instead of our own_ -

But they didn't share a bed anymore, now did they? The three men hadn't shared a bed together in months. Sure, Lafayette slept there as he held John tight, threading his fingers through soft curls to comfort him through nightmares, but Alexander? He hadn't even set foot in that bedroom for a month.

Memories flashing back to him quickly, shooting behind his eyes at rocket-speed, he laid back down on the bed, allowing Thomas to pull him closer subconsciously, nuzzling up against the back of his neck. Lafayette crying as Alexander reminded him of what had been happening. The world crashing down around him as he told Lafayette that he was well aware of his and John's lack of affection for Alexander, and that he was leaving. Permanently. He hadn't texted John the breakup, or waited for the curly-haired man with freckles like stars in the night sky to come home and hear the message from Alexander himself. Instead, Alexander had opted to break the news to Lafayette, and only Lafayette. If John actually loved him, unlike the Frenchman, then he wouldn't have to cope with the memory of watching John's heart shatter into a million starlit pieces, falling through the universe to be caught by a single pair of dark hands- Lafayette would piece him back together with all the affection they had been keeping from Alexander. But if the short man was correct in his assumption that being left out- being pushed away- was simply an effort from the other two men, co-conspiring to break Alexander's heart and destroy his mind.... Well, then he wouldn't have much to care about them anyways. They didn't particularly care about him, so why on Earth should he have to waste space in his heart for those two men?

He had a handsome man in bed with him right now, didn't he? Shifting his gaze to the corner of his eyes, he peered over at Thomas- that was the man's name, right? Whatever. Thomas's chest rose and fell steadily with each breath, toned muscle and dark skin like the very dirt that grew such beautiful blossoms as the one laying next to him at this very moment. Arms like vines twisted round Alexander's torso, loosely enough to give him space to breathe, but with a strong enough grip that he wouldn't be able to break free until Thomas himself broke free of the tight hold of sleep. Now that the overly-styled updo was over with, Alexander could clearly see Thomas's hair framing his face, no longer clouded with what he knew to be high-end hairspray and tea tree oil hair gel. 

In an abstract sense, Thomas was beautiful.

Not beautiful like John, who stored the night sky on his skin, allowing himself to waltz among the clouds painted pastel pink as sunsets shone over the evening. Not gorgeous like Lafayette, whose every feature was stunning in its own way, and still somehow symmetrical to the rest of his face. Thomas was... Something else. He was like the fog bank rolling in over a hill, not quite clouding the streets yet, and instead resting near the sky it so longed to be a part of. He was an oak tree, standing tall in a silent forest, branching knotted around others as it whispered to the world a thousand lovely secrets that were not his own. Like the feeling of first steeping into the water at the beach, sand warm beneath your toes and salty water staring up at you.

Thomas was like someone he wouldn't mind being with, if only for a few more moments.

So Alexander closed his eyes and steadied his breathing, trying to pretend to be asleep, if just to be held a few stray moments more.

Thomas kept his eyes shut and hoped that the strange, beautiful man in his bed wouldn't leave just yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading the whole thing! If you want more stories like this, please tell me so in the comments!


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